blacklynx blacklynx is offline

I go bed now, need a rest. hope to sleep. thank for your time ^o^

lol sure it is

it is right, I need to stop thinking to feel better. pretty easy on the sheet XD the fact is that I hate do things twice in general and figuring out what a huge resource of mine I wasted with that person really drives me crazy. this is hard to swallow for me. otherwise there's no rational reason to stay any longer closed to a person like that

I tell you how absurd my afternoon has been: I've decided to go to his house asking him to help me out this panic moment, because I'm having panic seeing his car around and the likes too. I really feel unconfortable with those cars and places we used to be together. so, I asked him very politely and kindly and his cold and indifference answer was: "I don't care, it's your problem! fix it on your own. I think something else" [ now the translation is much worse in italian of course, but you can get it anyway ]. the ironic side is because the roles has been torn upsidedown! I see in his eyes the distance and the disgusting behaviour of a stupid guy that can't recognize how precious was all he got from me. this is terrific. the story ended in a bad way there. so I came home and probaly God wanted, I opened the docs folder in which there's only 1 file, only one: a video of him apologizing and telling me how he loves me I think from wintertime. This video really shocked me a lot, I didn't remember of this and wasn't ready to the content. so this amplyfied the false hope to see his sight pure and genuine as it was and not brutal and glacial as it is now. trust me this shit is splitting me inside and I don't like at all!

a mix of things at the beginning and angus meat later with wines and dessert. not bad even the location was pretty impressive. the bloody pain is that even tonight I dreamed that person, and now it's 3 in a row -.-

we had a dinner with all the colleagues tonight and surprisngly the boss paid for all

oh dear gotta go back to work, my boss called me to go help -.- wtf

lol, let's take a date

it's kinda ironic because I know many techniques to "fix" people and this time I gotta use my own stuff on myself, I dunno if it's sad or comic XD I started doing something because I need to fix myself, but you know doing on other's is almost easier because of personal feeling. it's hard to let something personal to go away so I'm split in an illusion or a fucking delusion and forget everything. dunno how to precede at the moment

been cycling and walking, slightly lightened my thoughts but still remain that sad feeling. hope to get better soon