Stoner Stoner is offline

l can only reply based upon what you say ^_~ but still each piece makes a whole, by changing just one piece you can change the rest.. it all starts with you and eventually everyone will be gobsmacked and kicking themselves that they ever hurt you.

or at least thats what happened to me.. l didnt exactly go into detail regarding my experiences with bullying but in my case it was physically brutal and no matter how much l tried to report it the teachers didnt believe me, l ended up snapping one day which was the end of an era of abuse, sometimes it just takes one action to change ppls opinions.

in order to find strength one has to show their weaknesses, only then can they be worked upon and strengthened, maybe you feel alone but thats not exactly true.. think of how many millions out there once you get past this stage want to associate with you.

l myself went through some similar ordeals when l was younger as well, went through some pretty extreme physical bullying but the fact lm still here is a testament to my strength that l eventually gained from friends l never knew l had, trouble is it can go both ways.. bullied often turns into bully, its a sad circle where ppl who were bullied decide to turn bully themselves in the hopes that they wont be the center of insults and physical abuse anymore so become what they hated (sadly lm guilty of this but l came to my senses after a certain event).

as for your comment about being a monster, its not true.. if you look at it from my point of view, the monsters are the ones who take pleasure in pain, and that doesnt seem to be yourself, besides l dont think l have ever heard of a monster with feelings. still allot of what you said is a sad fact of life, ppl take pleasure out of others pain its an annoying personality trait of humanity.

on a final note, lm a firm believer that ugliness is only portrayed through actions as theirs beauty within everyone, its just how you nurture it that makes you into the person you desire, and for that you need to have friends that can see that.. l myself dont have many offline friends however its not the quantity thats important but the quality of those friendships that make the difference.

dont worry, lve never hidden that fact.. talking always helps to clear the burden, after so many years lve learned that through talking it takes the pressure off when lm feeling down..

besides the only pain l feel now is that of what lve lost physically because l know that she is sitting right beside me in spirit.. my dreams are just a reminder, which l have been told that talking may eventually resolve hence why lm able to speak about it so frankly. and on an alternative side maybe by me talking about my experiences someone else can turn something bad into something bearable so they can move on with their lives.

lets face it tho, everyone has come across death in their lives.. and its never easy thats why its good to talk to someone and share experiences as it allows you to remember the good things, and the best thing l have learned from the experience is the true power and meaning of a smile, if lm powerful enough to make someone smile then it adds meaning to my existence, yet one more reason l run sites like this to allow me to express my talents to give ppl a place to enjoy themselves and maybe even a reason to have a good smile once a day.

so in respects to your final comments, be they metaphors or whatever those words should never be used (dont take this the wrong way lm trying to cheer you up ) just by being alive someone somewhere will be happy because your existence is important to them, maybe you havent even met them yet but when you do, you will add yet more meanings to the importance of you existence just like myself ^_^

considering lm not a religious person that doesnt mean l dont hold firm beliefs in the beyond and dont live my life by my own set of personal rules, one of which is to spread smiles rather than sadness ^_~

long story short, l lost my first love in a hit and run accident, the jist of what happend was that a car came up behind us she noticed it and l didnt and she pushed me outta the way but ended up being the one who got hit, she died almost instantly but the event still keeps me awake at nights with the dreams of what happened.

being single means lots of lost sleep, as weirdly when l have slept with someone l tend to sleep better, l guess it has something to do with the feeling of being loved and safety who knows, its weird.. still its not the nightmares that bother me its more the fact that the event plays through my mind allot that makes it hard to rest, considering it happened when l was 13 (lm now 27) it still bothers me most nights.