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Akira at the same time went to totally pessimytic, self degrading thinking. Though when he noticed it he was able to stop himself, knowing all too well that his boyfriend wouldn't approve of him doing that. Then he felt the warm arms wrapping tighter around him. With a small smile at the good timing of it he burried his face in Josh's chest, taking in his smell. Akira knew he would miss it. And the feeling of safety other male was giving to him. And being with him almost all the time Josh made him forget what it was like to feel lonely. And now.. Akira tensed up a bit, not really able to help it.
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Josh's attention was on Akira, one hundred percent, and as he felt his boyfriends head against his chest. Putting his hand down to Akira's hair, Josh gently ran his fingers through it, although couldn't help but to notice him tense up. Softly, he put his hand to his boyfriends back, kissed the top of his head and whispered.
"What's wrong butterfly?" Josh asked, his fingertips brushing along his back and towards his sides. Yes, he'd miss this, more than almost anything, but he had to leave. |
When Akira heard the question he just shook his head while feeling the tears forming under his closed eyelids. How he could possibly tell all what he was feeling. And there was that... He was the one that said he would be fine and that he would be waiting for Josh. How he possibly could reveal how he was feeling now? It would be like he was lying from the start.
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As Akira shook his head, Josh then began to feel himself get serious. Not in a negative manner, but in a way that made his body and heart tense up with need. Needing to know what was wrong. Softly and ever so slowly, Josh brought a hand to Akira's jaw, trying, but not forcing him to look into his own eyes.
"Akira...please. Tell me. I care about you more than the stars above us, I want to know how you feel." Josh said as tenderly as possible, trying to ignore the ache in his heart whenever he saw the person he cared so much for cry. |
When his jaw was touched and he felt a tender push on it he tensed up a bit. How could he.. Fighting with himself he just shook his head once again, trembling a bit. Though then he realised he was making other male feel bad.. and it would be only worse if he didn't tell him. Rising his head and opening his green eyes, he looked at Josh. 'I would miss you, Master.' Akira's eyes were full of tears when he was writing that.
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Josh still didn't force the man below him, but it hurt to see him sad. It wasn't until he looked up with those green, tear filled eyes that Josh's heart felt as if it swelled with love, or shattered with sorrow. Leaning down, he gave gentle, soft kisses to his damp cheeks and began to talk to him.
"Thank you. You telling me that...shows you care about me. I'll miss you too butterfly, and if you didn't miss me in return I would have felt more hurt." Rubbing Akira's neck, the side without the tattoo, Josh brushed his hair away from his eyes to look at him. "Don't cry love. I will come back for you. And you have people here that care for you as much as I do." He whispered, as tenderly as he could. |
When the soft kissed were placed on his cheeks and he saw Josh's eyes looking like that he didn't really regret telling him what he felt. Even more when he heard what he said. 'I know.. but I'll be waiting..' He was writing quite slowly because he knew that with his trembling hand it would be hard for other male to read it and he wanted to make sure that his boyfriend would be able to read what he 'said'.
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Looking at Akira's finger as he wrote, he leaned over, kissing the tip of it and then holding his hand close to his heart. "We'll wait for each other. You and me will be strong. We can do this, and when I'm back I have no intention of ever leaving you again."
After a few seconds, Josh let go of his hand and looked into his eyes for a little while before looking down at Akira's lips. "Thankfully we have phones. Texting is nice....I can make sure you're okay." Josh sighed to himself in relief, not knowing how he'd feel if he couldn't talk to him at all during the week. |
'We almost sound as if we would part for.. forever..' Wrote Akira and the chuckled through his tears. The way Josh treated him and the way he was making him feel it was so exceptional for him. It was almost like he was a prince. And he was safe.. and other male was making him feel.. special. Because he never felt something like that it was even more addicting. He wold never want to loose it. And there was that part of him.. that would do anything Josh wanted him to do. It was that trained part.. but there was something else to that. Probably because of other feelings.... only making it stronger.
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Josh's smile returned, and it grew a little when he saw Akira write that. He didn't know the future, he couldn't say what will happen, but he can tell the man he cared so much for that what could happen.
"Well...if you stay here for the rest of your life, and decide never to move out...then I guess it can be forever." Josh smiled, loving that small sound of Akira's soft chuckle. The instant he heard it, it made Josh feel so much better, and the sadness he felt earlier had disappeared. "Would you want to live here for a long time?" he wondered. |
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