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'Never is such a long time.. How could we know..' Akira looked down and then he heard Josh's question. It made him look up into those maroon eyes of other male. Seeing how happy was his boyfriend made him feel strangely in his stomach. 'I would like to..'
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"Well, we'll see what happens in our future." Josh said instantly, his arms still wrapped around Akira, making sure he felt secure and close to him. "I have no intention of making you leave, and you don't seem to want to go either, so right now I see us living here for a while."
Josh placed his fingers over Akira's, making sure it was his left hand so that he could write still. "Now you can look forward to the future Akira...when before you couldn't. Remember that okay? Cherish everything." Josh said, still softly touching his hand. |
That the other male didn't have to tell him. 'I am chershing every moment of it.. since it can disappear to easily..' Only when he wrote it he realised what he 'said'. Looking down once again he sighed softly, not really knowing how to change or soften what he wrote before.
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What Akira had written made Josh pause. He didn't know how to react, mostly because he didn't know how to take that. Did it mean either of them could be split apart, or that he'd leave? Knowing it was most likely a thought of Akira's, Josh slid it by and spoke once more, trying to make sense of it.
"I won't lie to you. That can happen, but instead of thinking of the bad, we focus on the good. Like next week, when I'm back, I can make love to you and tell you everything that happened, I'll tell you how much I missed you, how much I care about you. And it'll all just drift out of our minds that I even left." Josh said as he looked back at Akira's eyes that were downcast. "You can be sad about things, but there is always a good side you can think of as well." |
'I....... I know.. but it isn't so easy for me.. I try for you.. and for myself as well.. I'm sorry.. for being like that..' Akira clenched his fists a bit while the tension inside his slim body rised. Then he glanced up at other male, his green eyes showing all too well how tensed he was. 'Are you disappointed..?'
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It was hard, really hard to see that Akira felt that way, but Josh didn't show weakness or sadness. He wanted Akira to feel confident in what he said, so as he saw him write that, Josh ran his fingers across his cheek and looked into those eyes, showing so much emotion.
"I'm not disappointed at all. How could I be upset with someone who was raised so horribly? It's not your fault, and I'll show you that your life will be better, even better than this someday." Josh smiled weakly. "Try to look at the good side, but if you can't then it's alright. I'll care for you no matter what." |
'I'm sorry.. I try but it is.. stronger than me sometimes....' Akira looked down on his knees and sighed softly. It was clear he was quite unhappy with the way he reacted. After few moments of thinking he was ready to run away and hide himself somewhere away from everybody.
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"Akira." Josh said, his name being a bit more firm then usual. He wanted him to understand, not only to think of the bad. Taking a soft hold of his arms, Josh looked at Akira and spoke to him with a clearer voice. "Listen. Please listen to me. Those thoughts are normal okay? You have no reason to be saying sorry. I love you, I....I really do, and what you think is your own thoughts, you can't tell me you're sorry for that my little butterfly. The only thing Akira has to be sorry for, is nothing. Nothing at all. Look into my eyes for me." Josh said again, wanting to see him, and really wanting to sleep tonight happily with his boyfriend in his arms.
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When his arms were grabbed so firmly he glanced at Jos only to look away once again. And once again he fekt bad when he didn't know what to tell when he heard the word 'love'. He really didn't know what did it mean. First he was staying still but then he slowly looked up, his green eyes on Josh. They were showing just how much he was lost right now.
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Josh waited, patiently until those eyes were back to his. After a few seconds, he dropped his hold and wrapped his arms around Akira instead. "See this man that you're looking at? That's Josh, and what he thinks is that you Akira, you are strong. Don't say to yourself thats not true...please, I know it's hard, but I can see it inside you that you are a good person." Josh felt his eyes begin to string and he had to close them for a moment.
"I just want you to be happy. If I can do that, then the both of us will feel so much better, I promise you that." Josh whispered. |
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