The way you love me [private for me and MsJacobL]

[zajawa]

'I;m stupid. I'm not worth to be your servant, Master. I know it makes you unhappy but I'm..' Akira stopped writing but it was clear he detested himself and was thinking of really himself really badly right now. 'I'm ugly.. stupid.. and..' He stopped writing but he still was shaking all over, not looking at Josh.

[RedRose4]

Josh sensed he’d be rambling once more, but he couldn’t help himself. Akira was so self conscious about himself that he just wanted to yell at him and tell him it was all untrue, but of course he’d never do such a thing. Instead he calmed himself down and put his hand up, moving Akira’s chin up so he’d have to look at him, not allowing him to look away any longer.
“No Akira. You’re not. Listen to what I’m saying to you. I’ve never been so attracted to another man before I met you. You’re probably one of the smartest people I’ve ever met, and all of those bad things you keep saying to yourself in your head, I think the opposite.”

Josh clenched his jaw, looking pained but not physically, just emotionally. “Stop it. Stop saying that about yourself.” Josh said so softly that the words were almost inaudible, sounding almost helpless.
With a deep sigh, he closed his eyes momentarily and whispered. “It’s not your fault….but hopefully over the time you live here I can show you just how intelligent and attractive you really are.”

[zajawa]

He flinched when he felt master grabbing his chin. When it was pulled up he obediently followed and looked Josh in the eyes. Akira heard all what was said but.. how could he believe it? The look on others male face... Was he in pain? Akira was sitting without move as his chin was hold by master, his green having that submissiveness in them. That look strangely suited him..

[RedRose4]

Josh softened his hold on Akira’s chin immediately, although he didn’t pull his hand back. Instead, the older man gently ran his fingers over Akira’s smooth skin while he in took a deeply needed breath. Once the room became quiet, Josh looked into the other mans eyes and frowned ever so slightly by his gaze alone. Despite just how astounding he looked Josh couldn’t help but to question it as well due to Akira’s submissiveness deriving mostly from his ex-Master.
“Akira, I wouldn’t waste my time caring for someone I thought was useless.” Josh muttered lastly before getting just a little closer, desperately wanting to hug the person in front of him but he refrained. He had no idea what was going through Akira’s mind.
“Would you like it if we focused on something else for now? This conversation is very dismal.” Josh muttered under his breath.

[zajawa]

Akira nodded when asked if he would like to focus on something else. He saw just how much discomfort he brought master with what he had said before. Besides that one argument convinced Akira he wasn't useless. Josh wouldn't take care of someone useless so that meant that he was somehow useless. He didn't need to understand how.

[RedRose4]

The simple nod of a reply made Josh do the same in return before lowering his hand and moving a few inches away from Akira to give him space. Taking a deep breath, Josh took some of his papers, sprawling them out around him and adding his journal to the side. It had only had about fifteen pages with writing in it, mostly because Josh still had a long life ahead of him and there was no rush to complete the book. As he took the first paper in his hands, he glanced up at Akira, still slightly bothered by his story.
A question then arose. The wonder Akira had earlier about his eyes made Josh question something. “Akira, have you ever looked in a mirror? Or…at least recently?” Josh wondered in a hushed tone. Personal vanity must have been a part of his low self-confidence, so the question either way wouldn’t be much of a surprise.

[zajawa]

Did he look in the mirror..? Akira must thought about it for few moments but the he shook his head. Actually he never looked at himself in the mirror. There wasn't an opportunity.. and besides why would he want to look in the mirror if his face was really ugly. There wasn't a need for him to see it, it was enough people must look at it when they were walking by or talking to him.

[RedRose4]

Despite being ready for either answer, Josh was still slightly stunned to ‘hear’ that Akira had never seen himself. No wonder he had no idea if he was actually ugly or not, and as they passed mirrors in the bathroom it was now apparent why Akira never looked into them.
Josh paused his pen on his work and spoke as he looked down and wrote on the paper. “I think someday you should look into one. You’d be surprised at who you see.“ Josh glanced up at Akira for a moment just to take in his features. It was guaranteed that Akira wasn’t ugly, far from it, although maybe the man was so caught up in that thought that even if he looked at reflection of himself he’d still see something repulsive.
Once Josh wrote a little over half a page, he checked it over, reading it in his head a few times and putting it down between him and Akira. “If you’re up for it, read this over for me please. Heaven knows I messed up somewhere.” Josh sighed.

[zajawa]

Akira didn't know why but if master wanted him to look at the mirror he would do that. He looked at Josh while he started to write something. Was it his journal? Or just some documents or lists? Picking the page from the bed he started to read it. So it was the journal after all. Then he put page on masters lap and showed with his slim finger three places with mistakes. 'Also it would sound better without this part, Master.' He showed which part he had on mind.

[RedRose4]

Josh grabbed another piece of paper, this one being related to the event in a few days. As Akira looked over his work, Josh anxiously looked at his eyes reading over the work, and as he pointed to the page he read it over a few times just to understand what he meant.
“Oh…” Josh took his pen, careful with what he wrote instead and furrowing his eyebrows. As he fixed up the areas Akira pointed to, he glanced up at the man and smirked. “Is that better?” He wondered aloud while reading it over a few times in his head.